I hereby add a couple of items to my ‘rules of marriage’. I have edited my previous post to include the following:
- Know your bottom line. What can you live with? What can’t you live with? What is a deal-breaker in your marriage? Say those things to your partner and ask your partner to tell you what the bottom line is for him/her. Listen attentively to the answer!!
- Discern between what is truly important and what is consequential. Sometimes what seems important one day is not important the next – when in doubt, wait and listen to your body, not your mind.
- Don’t blame. You are responsible for your life and your experience. No matter what your partner does or says, your life is yours, not your partner’s, and it’s up to you to make your life work for you.
- All problems are shared problems. Instead of thinking that your partner is the problem, think instead “there is a problem in our relationship”. Then set about fixing your half of the problem and invite your partner to consider the problem, but do not force. Regardless of his/her reaction, do what you can, inside yourself and with your behavior, and see what changes.
- Hang in there. Sometimes relationship problems last for a long time before getting resolved to everyone’s satisfaction. If the “bottom line” is being addressed and you can still have some nice times together sometimes, then it’s worth waiting, especially when kids are involved.
- Ask for outside input. Sometimes we just can’t find our own way out – and choose people to talk to who will fight for your marriage even when you are fed up with it.
I hope this helps you increase the love you experience within your partnership and outside of it.
Golden Eagle Feather